How things have changed

How things have changed in the course of a couple years. My early twenties were filled with days of traveling between school and work and hanging out with my family and friends and boyfriend (at the time) and spending copious amounts of time at the movies or at the bar. Making plans and taking names. I had a decent group of people I could call on to grab a bite to eat or check out a new bar or club. I use to get excited about a new pack of cloves to smoke or a shot that was bought for me. I lived out of my car and I was never home. Most weekends consisted of the drunk pirate look - behold:
The drunk pirate: a.k.a. I have been drinking too much to be able to see straight out of both eyes so I have closed one so I can see straight out of at least one eye. Done and done. Also gotta love the signature duck lips. So maybe I should call this the drunk pirate duck lip look. Who knows. Over the past couple years a lot has changed from this picture. I've graduated school, I bought a home, I got married, I started my career, I'm pregnant and due in 50 days... I've grown a part from a lot of those friends I've held very dear and in my circle. And that's OK. I don't believe we are in a bad place these old friends of mine but we've simply out grown each other. We still encounter one another whether it be in person or electronically and we are sweet with one another, but it's just not the same. They're in a different place in their lives and so am I. I guess that's life though, right? Nothing ever stays the same good or bad.

So what does life look like right now? It's a lot different at 26 than it was at 21. My traveling consists of no more school but my daily to commute to my job. I hang out with a small group of friends rather than that bigger group. I spend copious amounts of time at home or with family. I get excited when my husband empties the dishwasher or snow blows the driveway. I am more of a home body than I ever have been in my entire life. Being pregnant has also changed me in ways I never thought possible. I'm excited to be a mom. I think it's what I am supposed to do in life, be a mother. I think it's going to open my eyes even more and nothing is ever going to be the same. Most weekends now consist of cleaning and chores and spending time with family. It consists of a movie here and there and earlier bed times. It consists of Saturday morning breakfasts and doing laundry. It's different. But I love it. I love how my life has evolved in such a short period of time into what it is today. Is it glamorous? Maybe not, but it works for me. Is this life for everyone? Not at all. But it's perfect for me.

Quote

One of my favorite blogger over here at Life as an Artistpreneur posted an article on her twitter page that I was so blown away with. She recently gave birth to her first child recently, a baby boy. I frequently drop by her site because she is going through what I will be going through in less than 2 months. And when she posted this article on Being a Mother of One - I decided to read it for myself and was in awe of it's moving words especially this:

"Dear mother of only one child, don’t blame yourself for thinking that your life is hard. You’re suffering now because you’re turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone. For what? Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left."

Be Daring...

I know we are almost done with the first month of 2012, but I wanted to take a moment and post a couple of my hopes/goals for myself and 2012. In 2011, I did a lot of things that were new to me, I went to a book signing of a favorite blogger, Quit my job of 3 years and started a brand spankin' new one, I went to Chicago with my mom (our first mother/daughter vacation) Mike and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary with one another and we continued to settle into our lives together, we found out we were pregnant end of July with our first child, visited Washington DC and some friends and saw some great monuments and history. It was an whirlwind of a year! However, I felt as though I didn't challenge myself enough. So for 2012 my theme is to:

I want to challenge myself in new ways. In 2011 I became a huge introvert - and not that there is anything wrong with that, but it became unhealthy for me. I didn't get out there. I didn't meet as many new people as I wanted, I didn't experiment with new adventures, I didn't read as much as I wanted, I didn't try new recipe's, I didn't get off my ass and work out, I didn't work at keeping my house in order the way it should, I judged too much, I didn't stand up for myself, I was stagnant when I should have been mobile, I didn't give people a chance, I was let down, I let myself down, I waited for others to act before I did, I played it safe. I let others dictate my own happiness, I wasn't as giving as I should have been. I didn't pray as much as I should have. And I worried far far too much.

This year I am going be daring in everything I do, even the small stuff like cleaning out my kitchen cabinets. I am going be daring and raise my son the way I planned on raising him. I am going to be daring and try new recipes and meet new people even if it scares the crap out of me. I am going to make my house a living breathing well old machine. I am going to work hard on myself and be the best version of myself physically, mentally and emotionally. I am going to push myself harder this year than ever because if I don't who will? I wont count on anyone to get the things I need to get done, done. I will be more independent and spend my precious time on things that truly matter. I want to be daring with this blog and grow the non-existent readership into something. I don't have a vision as to what I want to do with the blog but I want to make more time for it and write out more meaningful post. I also want to put myself out there more and comment more on the blogs that I follow and love, growing my friendships through here would be wonderful. I want to be daring with my looks. I want a new cut and color, try experimenting with new scarves, jewelery and accessories. I want to live a more authentic daring life. That's the dream for 2012.

What is your theme for the year?

Who I Hope to Be...

I haven't written anything in my little spot in the blogging world for a couple weeks. It's intentional. I've logged in and logged out. Read through my list of favorite bloggers (but never comment) I've jumped on twitter and poked around. I'm just hanging out... with no plan. I've even started a couple blog posts but then deleted them... what gives? Has this ever happened to you? You have so much to say but don't even know where to begin? You don't know how to organize your thoughts into a meaningful post? That's where I am at. I'm also trying to figure out my voice on this blog... do I want it to be a collection of pictures and video's and small thoughts here and there? Do I want it to be where I write down some meaningful posts about meaningful things going on in my head? Do I want it to be a thought catalog of random whatever, or a lifestyle blog where I plug in a bunch of pictures of my daily life.... I just dont know. I would like it to be more of a meaningful blog where I can go back and read through what was going on in my life at that time. I think it's more authentic and I want to be more authentic.

So in an attempt to be more authentic, I want to share with you who I hope to be... I am constantly changing and evolving and the one thing about me is my mind is never stagnant which is a good and bad thing. I hope to always grow and evolve no matter how scary it may be. I hope to never settle because it's the easy thing to do. I hope to always stand up for myself, because if I don't who will? I hope to always push myself to do better and to be better. I hope to always try to handle myself with grace. I hope to to continue to work hard in my job because I have always reeped the benefits of hard work and dedication. I hope to never settle. I hope to continue to understand how much I've grown in the last 2 years and how the choices I have made, no matter how difficult, have been the best decisions I have made. I hope to grow in my marriage to be a better person and wife to Mike, I hope we continue to grow closer and closer to one another everyday and appreciate the good and the bad about each other. I hope to be the kind of mother I had(have) growing up, I hope our son grows up knowing how much he is loved and how much I want to see him be the best person he can be. I hope to be the kind of mom who doesn't take the easy route in raising him. I hope to be the kind of mom who puts in the time, energy and effort with him so he raised the way Mike and I intended. I hope to be more patient and not loose my temper. I hope to be better at managing my home. I hope to be more organized and diligent with household chores, I hope to coming up with a system and sticking to it till it's stuck. I hope to try more things this year, I hope to find peace within myself. I hope to be more calm and let negative thoughts that creep into my mind to leave just as fast. I hope to be the best version of myself I can be. I hope to be more me than I ever have.

Who do you hope to be?