Brain Dump

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Holy moly! So much has been going on! To start I am 35 weeks and 3 days but there is room for discussion on that since my last ultrasound showed a rather large baby already! 6.3 lbs! I am hoping I go early, but everyone keeps telling me not to get my hopes up since most 1st time pregnancies go full term even post-term. I don't care though, my hopes are high and they are staying there! C'mon baby!

I am taking this Thursday and Friday off of work, why you may ask? Because I can. I feel I have been an exceptional trooper during this pregnancy and would like a little "ME" time before the baby actually arrives. All by myself. Doing "me" things like sleeping in, reading, cleaning, shopping, movies, lunch dates, and whatever my little heart desires. So I am pretty excited about that :) I plan on finishing a couple projects around the house as well and to still be incredibly productive.

We are about 95% done with Baby's room. All his clothes are washed and put away, I have two outfits ready for him for the hospital. I have to hang a couple poms my mom made for our shower in the room above the rocking chair - I think it will be the nice final touch that will pull the room together. I'll make sure I take pictures to share soon.

Work has been absolutely crazy. There is so much going on between in state branches, out of state branches, keeping up morale since there have been so many changes, workers compensation, unemployment, manuals, employee relation issues etc. I am on my toes literally ALL DAY! I am not complaining though because my hectic work schedule forces me to stay on a good schedule of eating, drinking, etc while growing this baby. Would I love to sit at home in peace and eat ice cream all day? You bet! But I think this is for the best. Only 16 work days till I go on maternity leave. Yippie!

Yesterday was Paczki today. I am not Polish, but my husband is and he was sweet enough to go pick up a dozen of them for my office and another 1/2 dozen for us at home. I am not going to tell you how many i've had. But I will tell you they were delicious!

Some of the things I am hoping to get accomplished on my days off and into the weekend are:

• Finish baby's room
• Really clean up house
• Finish Thank you cards and send them out
• Clean out car/fill up/wash (if weather is good)
• Get caught up with all laundry
• Pack my hospital bag
• Install baby car seat

There you have it. Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!

On Judgment

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I receive Gwyneth Paltrow GOOP newsletter and I am catching up on the one I received on Thursday. It was so perfect I had to share some interesting parts with you.

"Often times, when we occupy the space of 'I'm right and you're wrong' it keeps us from seeing our own responsibility in matters. When we judge others' foibles and personality traits, what does it really say about us? What can we do to identify and get rid of judgment in ourselves and in our lives?"

We condemn in others what we are afraid to see in ourselves.

Blame is the projection of guilt.

"Even as the game of judgment keeps society running smoothly, constantly dictating our likes and dislikes, our loves and hates, human beings are born to transcend. We can go beyond the setup of society, the ego and judgment itself. In that innate capacity for seeking the higher self, every hope and promise offered by the world's great spiritual teachers rests."

"When we judge others we often think that we are simply making an observation, and that this action or thought will not affect us. However this is not the case. When we judge others we are awakening and connecting ourselves to a force of judgment. It is like trying to throw mud at someone – we might or might not hit them but we are definitely tainted by the mud. And by acting in this way we don't necessarily affect the other person, but we most definitely draw the energy of judgment and lack into ourselves."

"In order to change and grow we need to be able to know what it is about ourselves that we need to transform. Yet if we are never completely capable of seeing our own faults, how will we change?"

"If we truly integrate this understanding into our lives, the next time we feel the urge to judge others we will instead look inward and find how we too possess the fault we see and forget about judging anyone. By acting in this way we protect ourselves from drawing the energy of judgment and lack into our lives. And most importantly, we gain a clear direction for own transformation and growth."

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." -Carl Gustave Jung

Done my soul good

So far today has been a good day. It started with my contemplating going into work since I was feeling burnt out and under the weather. But alas, I sucked it up and went. Although I would have much rather stayed home and catch up on some R&R. Check out this cute video of my hyper dog. I love her.

So I went into work friends, and let me tell you I do not look the part. My hair is half ass, my clothes looks blah... whatever, I still made the effort and that counts for something right? Anyway I walked into my crazy messy office and promptly freaked out over not only my work TO-DO's but my personal TO-DO's. So I turned on the music, got out a notebook and wrote down everything (including projects) that I had to get done for work. Then I began to write down all my home TO-DO's including cleaning (well mostly cleaning) and I felt better. Getting it down on paper always helps. So I began to get things done off my work To-Do's.

Around 12:30 my stomach began to grumble so I headed over to Panera and got myself a Tomato and Mozzarella Panini. As I was walking too and from the building I thought to myself what an awesome day it was outside. The sun was out, it wasn't muggy and there was a crisp breeze blowing. So I did what I typically DO NOT DO! I ate lunch by myself.... outside! PEOPLE I just dont do this!!! But I did. It was just too nice of a day to bring my lunch back to the office and eat inside. And it was decadent.

So i'm just finishing up my lunch hour and i'll be getting back to my list. Have a HAPPY WEDNESDAY everyone!

Random lists on a random Sunday.

1.) I’m sick of feeling unbalanced so I am going to try Yoga.  I did a 10 min video tonight and ‘bout died but it’s OK.  Every big change starts with one day.  And tonight was my one day.  Once I feel more comfortable with it I’ll take it to a studio because I’m not ready to make an ass of myself just yet.  My confidence and esteem can’t handle it.

2.) Been cooking more and it feels good.  Recently cooked enchiladas, stuffed shells, homemade pizza, fresh bruschetta all so yum!! We are saving money and making healthier meals.  We do much better when we plan our dinner’s for the week and buy groceries ahead of time for those dinners. 

3.) Been feeling anxious lately and I hate it.  Been trying to thinking calming thoughts, relaxing thoughts and breathing slowly.

4.) I haven’t been able top pick up a book and read it lately.  I’ll pick it up read a couple pages then throw is across the room.  What’s up?!

5.) I need a vacation.  I have a vacation coming up – it can’t get here soon enough.

Just say NO

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Mike and I are looking for ways to save money. We cut down on our groceries bills by shopping smart, we keep the thermostat in the summer at 72 to save a little cash, we use an energy efficient washer and dryer, and most recently, we got rid of our cable and replaced it with a Roku it is a streaming player for Hulu Plus, Netflix, Pandora, Crackle and much more. We are saving on average $70 a month on cable. I especially like it in the summer since most of my shows are on their summer hiatus and I'm not paying for a lot of reruns.

Since we got rid of cable I've found myself being a little more productive. I've been spending a lot of time taking pictures and editing them, branding myself, trying to take on some freelancing work and cooking more. It feels good. I am my happiest when I am in movement, working, being creative, thinking...living!!! It's amazing how easy it is for me to migrate to the couch after an exhausting day and watch episode after episode of my favorite show (which recently has been Friday Night Lights on netflix, BOOO that its over) next thing I know, 5 hours have gone by and i've moved my legs from one side of the couch to the other. Can I get those 5 hours of my life back, please? No... ? Ok... [sad face]

So, in an effort to get busy and to eliminate distraction from my life I have decided to remove TV time this week. A mini experiment if you will. By eliminating TV time this week I hope to concentrate more on Me, my house - keeping up with regular chores that need daily attention (laundry, dishes), my relationships - write replies to those emails I need too, schedule phone dates with friends, put myself out there more. My passions - taking more pictures, networking, reading more on those points of interest, practice. My productivity - this blog being one of them, regular updates instead of the sporadic, working on personal tumblr page which documents my life in pictures.

Do I think I can do it? Absolutely. Do I think it will get hard? You bet. But I feel like it's a personal testament to myself and my life that I don't need television to make me happy, or to fill me up. So stay tuned on my progress. Should be interesting!

On who I want to be

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Lately I have been thinking a lot about me, on who I am at the moment, what I have accomplished, my morales, my beliefs, what I stand for.... the list goes on people. When I think about who I am, the majority of the time I give myself a nice pat on the back for being my most authentic self... Most of the time I am amazed at all that I have accomplished, what I still am accomplishing day to day and how I am able to keep moving forward, trugging along. It might sound weird and awful to say, but finally at the age of 25 I am slowly - but surely starting to realize.... this is it.... this is my one shot. This life of mine. I dont have yesterday or the last 9,276 days that have past me by. I begin to question, "AM I MAKING THE MOST OF IT?!" I dont know, I guess thats up to be to decide, no one else. I feel like yes, sometimes I do make the best of it, on a day to day basis MOST of the time I would say a hesitant yes.

BUT

I dont want to be hesitant. When I think about AM I MAKING THE MOST OF IT?! I want to give the rock on symbal in the air and say FUCK YES I AM MAKING THE MOST OF IT!! And when I say MAKE THE MOST OF IT I dont necessairly mean jumping into a mosh pit or bungee jumping or putting my head in a lions mouth. I mean making each day the best I can make it. Did I get up and make this day my bitch? Lately the answer is no. I'll come home from work tired, worn out, stressed thinking I am in over my head, that I am worthless and that no one in their GOD given mind would ever take me seriously. Screw that. I want to be that person who is confident and energetic that is constantly obsobring new information to make me better at my job who puts people in their place without making them feel inferior. Who commands respect. Who is respected. I want to be strong and knowledagble and if I dont know the answer to something know its OK to say I dont know but I'll look into it for you. I want to be that person who just freaking relaxes sometimes and doesnt get so wound up over the silliest shit. I want to not take myself, my job or this life so seriously. Because, baby, this life is amazing.

I dont want to wake up in the morning dragging my ass around, wasting time in front of the tv or my computer. What kind of life is that? I want to give myself some time to do those things (computer and tv) but then turn it off and get moving. I want to soak up the day and do the things I want to do. I want to try yoga and be bad at it, like really bad, but then I want to get good - really good and feel my body change. I want to fit into those damn skinnier jeans again without poking at my muffin top. I want to keep my house clean and welcoming all the time without letting it get so filthy. Why has it become such a freakin issue keeping up the day to day up-keep of my home? No more. This is my beautiful, warm home and I am going to work my ass off to keep it up not just for myself but for my husband and little puppy. I am going to work hard to keep up the outside as well. No more being lazy, is it what I want to be doing? NO NO and NO. I dont want to rack leaves or till the soil or fertilize the grass, but damn it - its important to me to have a clean, tidy landscape. It is a direct reflection on whats going on inside the home.

I want to experience more. I want to go to the museum and soak up some culture, I want to head to the book store and get lost in a good book for a while. I want to head to the park and take some pictures. I want to constantly learn something new. I want to be the best version of myself possible. I dont want to take a break, or slow down for too long because "im tired" or "I deserve a break" Thats what sleeping is for, hitting restart for the next day of kicking ass and taking names. I want to read and write and see new things. I want to make mistakes and learn from them and know that your age is not something to hate but to love and wear with a badge of honor. I am 25 and am where I am at. And yes, haters are gonna hate but screw em'. I want to be the fun, fearless, excited individual who doesnt have to be another carbon copy. I want to be me, and if people dont get - its OK!

I want to do and be better everyday because if there is one thing life is good at is constantly reminding us that yes, this one beautiful life you were given is very short. I want lay on my death bed when I am very old and grey and look back on this beautiful life and know that I did it. Everything I could and wanted too and I did it being me, not giving myself up to anyone or anything being the most authentic genuine version of myself. I can do anything I put my mind too, no one or nothing is going to stand in my way of making the best of this life. This is it. Every day is going to count. I'm ready. Let's do this.

Tik Tik

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What makes you tik? What makes you heart sing? What is it that makes you feel alive?

Lately I have realized (with some help of my ever perspective mother) that I need to live each day with a purpose. Even if the purpose of the day was to finish my laundry, or scrub down the kitchen or tidy up the living room. Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in the "I worked my ass off this week, I deserve a day to relax" and yeah although that may be true - the days I allow myself to relax are days that leave me feeling lethargic, useless and unmotivated. All of a sudden I find myself on couch and 6 hours later have gone by and I haven't moved a muscle! I need to constantly be moving and bettering myself and my day to day life. I am no longer going to get sucked into the blackhole that is my comfy ass couch.... I am going to do things that make me happy and alive....

So what makes me tik?

- A clean house
- A Venti Iced Chai from Starbucks
- A beautiful sunny day with my windows down
- Taking photographs
- Learning something new
- Sleeping in and waking up with my own internal clock and the sun beaming in through the windows
- A fresh manicure and pedicure
- Eating a piece of Dove Milk Chocolate
- An organized purse
- A full tank of gas
- Paid bills
- Going to see a movie
- Sipping wine
- Laughing with family and friends
- Text messages with sweet messages
- Massages (professionally and non professionally)
- Flipping through Magazines
- Finishing a book
- Fresh flowers in a pretty vase
- Receiving/Hearing good news
- Trying a new recipe
- Grocery Shopping
- Long, deep, meaningful conversations
- Wearing flip flops
- Feeling inspired
- Writing out my thoughts
- Shopping
- Expensive Makeup (sorry Mike)
- Traveling (near and far)

These are a couple things I can do and feel that make me instantly happy and alive. I am going to work everyday to do even one little thing to change my mood. I am going to make the best of each day I am granted. This is my one life, might as well make the best of it, right?!

Frugality

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It's kind of like a blessing and a curse. You see, I am very fortunate to be able to afford not only my every day living expenses (mortgage, food, car) as well as other every day perks (cable, Internet etc) but I am also fortunate enough to be able to buy those pair of shoes I knew I needed in my life, or that movie I thought was adorbs. Like I said - fortunate. And it has always been like this for me. I started working at for an actual company at the age of 14 and since then I have always been able to get the things I wanted. However, I have never been the kind of person to be frugal. I would look at my income at the end of the year and wonder, where did all my money go? Sure I had a small chunk of change saved and sure I had a 401k going, but to be 100% honest with you - nothing substantial. Nothing to where, God forbid I lost my job, I would be able to support myself for a couple months till I got back on my feet.

Ever since I got married, and joined accounts and began to pay all the adult stuff - electricity, heating, cooling, water - etc. I am realizing that I need to really buckle down and get my budget in order and start thinking frugal. I'm talking coupons and hunting down deals, and waiting till a birthday or holiday and actual [gasp] ask for it then. It has always been easy for me to run up to the store and get what I wanted - instant gratification, no doubt about it. I need to learn to slow it down for a hot second and not be so quick to purchase what I want when I want. Saving for a rainy day, or a vacation, or eliminating my school loans at a much quicker pace, or paying off any other debt. Let's face it, it's the adult thing to do. I can honestly say, I have never been frugal. Never. And I am sure incorporating my new "Delayed Gratification" policy into my subconscious is really going to piss my ego off. "Those shoes looks amazing on you, you know it and I know - plus you had a rough week. You deserve it" - that's my favorite. I'll be honest, I got a lot of my crazy spending habits out of my system, so I feel that it wont be as hard. The one thing I am worried about is my morning coffee. I think I am addicted to Tim Horton's French Vanilla Cappuccino I cant explain the deliciousness that is this coffee. Those are going to have to go and, oh i don't know, actually use my awesome kick ass Tassimo single cup coffee machine that I so desperately wanted and got but hardly use except the weekend? Sigh.

And the funny thing, its not like anything crazy happened to where I really had to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror and ask - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! But I have been looking at myself in a new way, a way that is saying to myself.... you can do better at life. You can excel in all facets and you know it - so damn it - DO IT! and you know what? I am.

Here is to being more conscience of my spending, more aware of my saving and save up for a fabulous amazing vacation. Amen.

2011 Goals and Aspirations

2010 was insane. I went through so many life's changes, but it was so exciting to actually go through them. With 2011 literally right around the corner, I want to take some time to write out a list of my Goals and Aspirations - not resolutions.

1. Read more. My goal is to read a minimum of 12 books this year. That's 1 book a month, which is more than manageable. My January book is one that has been on my nightstand for awhile and that's Emily Giffin's "Heart of the Matter"

2. Take more pictures. My hard drive on my desktop fried, therefore I had no place to store, edit or house my pictures this year... it died around April. So any pictures I had before that was taken into computer heaven - so basically I don't have much to show for 2010 which is devastating since it was the year I would have liked to most document. But alas, my amazing husband got me a new hard drive and with the help of his friend.... my baby is fixed. I plan on taking much more pictures since I now have a place to put them. To start it off right I have a newborn session today with Mike's cousins new baby girl.

3. Be conscience of your body, mind and soul. This year especially made me realize even more so than ever how precious our bodies really are. How much we abuse them and truly magical they are in all they do for us. I want to make better decisions to lead a healthier life.

4. Actively and aggressively pursue my dream. No more waiting on the sidelines for shit to happen. I am going to make them happen. I am going to actively participate in making my dreams a reality.

5. Stop taking myself and life so seriously. Life is funny. Laugh more.

I can wait to see what this year brings. I am going to bring it in right. My house in order, my life in order, with great family and friends. That's what I am talking about!

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